Democracy is fragile — its survival is up to us.

Here’s what I saw at the Capitol on January 6th. And where we go from here.

On the afternoon of Wednesday, January 6, 2021, nerves were on edge and all eyes were on Washington. Members of Congress gathered on that day to certify the votes of the presidential election, while outside, protestors started to gather near the Capitol — not an uncommon scene. But this time just felt different to me. Thinking of my friend, Gabby Giffords, I called my husband Tuesday night and told him where my will could be found if the unimaginable happened.

This time was different, for sure. The President of the United States invited white supremacists, conspiracy theorist believers, militia members, and anti-government extremists to Washington, D.C.. The President incited an insurrection against not just the United States Capitol buildings, but against the very symbol of our democracy.

Experiencing our Capitol under siege. Hiding in a dark room with a desk pushed against the door. My Chief of Staff grabbing the baseball bats I use to play in the Congressional baseball game. Seeing live video on television, of the U.S. Capitol Police being overrun by mobs. Hearing reports that no backup was coming. Republicans milling about in our “undisclosed” safe location refusing to wear masks — endangering our safety in yet another way. These are images that will be seared in my mind forever.

Tweeting to let my constituents — and my family and friends — know I was safe.

My Chief of Staff grabbed the baseball bats I use to play in the Congressional baseball game.

I came out of it better than others. Yet I am deeply shaken by the failure of leadership to prepare for violent plans made in public view. Why were these seditious criminals treated with kid gloves when peaceful protesters for racial justice, just a few months ago in the same location, were met with the harshest force? That this mob was able to breach the very seat and symbol of democracy should be a wake up call to us all. Those of us in the Capitol on Wednesday — Members of Congress, and the people that keep us going: Congressional staff, administrative staff, janitors, cooks, and more — have now experienced a taste of the heartbreak that too many Americans have endured from mass shootings and other extremist violence. It is long past time to enact meaningful legislation that reduces the nearly unrestricted possession of weaponry in our society.

I will be honest. I have put on a brave face. But I don’t know how to process a trauma like our own President inciting a violent mob to pillage the heart of our democracy. I don’t think any of us do.

I watched from a window as darkness fell over the Capitol that night.

Just 24 hours after these attacks, I headed to the airport to fly home to California. Congress was out of session and I needed to return to my District to work, a standard practice for Members like myself. From the moment I walked into the airport until the moment I landed at LAX, I was seemingly surrounded by the very same people who terrorized me, my colleagues, and our country the day before. For five hours, I sat near a person who held copies of a disinformation newspaper proclaiming “TRUMP WON.” Across the aisle, MAGA-glad mobsters bragged about breaking into the Capitol the day before. Throughout the plane’s cabin, not only were many people flaunting the airline’s mask mandate, but there was not an ounce of reality. Can you imagine surviving an attack, and then being seated for a cross-country flight next to your attackers? The familiar fear was creeping up again: there was simply nothing I could do, nothing anyone else could do.

Stacks of fake newspapers, filled with lies. (Note: these newspapers are not real, and were observed during my flight from DC to LA.)

Denial is the one coping mechanism more dangerous to the Republic than the insurrection itself. We must find it in ourselves to face hard reality. This President of the United States is a grave danger to the American people, and he must be removed from office before anyone else is hurt. I have called for the Vice President and the Cabinet to immediately invoke the 25th Amendment to remove the President from office to protect the peaceful transfer of power.

But it’s unlikely that the President’s most blind and loyal supporters will ever rise to this most urgent moment. If they don’t, I will support Articles of Impeachment once again.

The violence of January 6th did not appear out of nowhere. It was spawned by an endless feedback loop of fear and lies that the President and his enablers exploited for their ambition and power. Too many elected Republicans are still living with the delusion that they can control this monster. We have seen the ruinous results of that fantasy. The Republicans that endlessly peddled the President’s lies also must be held to account.

So — where do we go from here? First and foremost, we must demand accountability from President Trump. Through impeachment and removal from office, we must strip him of every right he would be afforded as a former President: from a travel budget and annual taxpayer funded salary, to his lifetime Secret Service protection and retirement benefits. In addition, I am introducing legislation to strip President Trump of those honors afforded to former presidents and prohibit any federal property — not even a bench — from bearing his name. We will turn the page on this dark chapter and Joe Biden will be sworn in as the duly elected 46th President of the United States on January 20th. Next, we must commit to dismantling the radicalization we watched live on TV (and I saw out my office window) on Wednesday. As terrifying as that was, the reality is scarier: people across the country have been indoctrinated and truly believe the lies and misinformation spread by the President, his family members, and his Republican enablers. Misinformation and the spread of absolute lies needs to come to an end — just like Trump’s presidency does.

For my part, I’ll keep telling my story. I will put on a brave face for my son and for my constituents. And I will soon get on a plane back to Washington to get to work on this.

On January 6, just hours after our Capitol was attacked, Members of Congress went back to work. We walked through hallways filled with broken glass and ruined furniture, but we walked right back into the chamber and kept democracy going.

Shattered glass could be seen in windows and doors around the Capitol in the early hours of Thursday morning, as I made my way to the House Chamber.

A new presidency does not guarantee our democracy’s survival, and only with a national reckoning can we start the process of moving forward. We need the opportunity to heal. Our institutions suffered a blow, but our democracy is still standing. The rest is up to us.